I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
