You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
