She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
