epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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