Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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