He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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