my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
