i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
