i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
