Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
