So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
