I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
