: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
