tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
