if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
