I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
