were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He passed out mid-signature
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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