forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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