Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
