I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
