apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
