you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
