I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
