He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
