i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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