is your mom at the bar?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
a search helicopter?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
