I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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