last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
