Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
