ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
