lets start a swedish sibling band together
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
