Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
