I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
