What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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