did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize