New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
