I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
