I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
