Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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