If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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