He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
