great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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