There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
