Me too!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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