so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
