I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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