She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
