i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
