i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
