y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my being single is dangerous.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
