I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
