If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
