I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My ATM looks so different sober.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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