I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
