He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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