he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
