I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
