Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
