walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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