So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
