i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
