RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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