Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
