I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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