My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Buhtt sex?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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