About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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