I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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