Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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