all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
