Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
